Monday, August 17, 2015

I'M SORRY


Host Barbara W Beacham, offers you a challenge; finish the story using 100-150 words, not including the sentence provided. Don’t forget to use the opening sentence… The challenge runs from Monday to Sunday! So get creative and have fun finishing the story!

Please include the photo with your bit of flash and a link back to this post. Don't forget to click on the blue frog and add your link so that others can enjoy your story too! Now let’s have some fun!

Finish the story begins with: 
“I see absolutely everything.”

Please feel free to upload your story by clicking on the little blue frog

on Barbara's page to add your story to the list!

© 2015, Barbara W. Beacham


I'M SORRY

“I see absolutely everything.”
Including how brilliantly she maintains the household. The children are delightful, although against her orders they feed me several times a week more than necessary. I love their conspiratorial giggles. He's high-strung, angry, and impatient. The atmosphere changes when he's home. The children go silent. She's robotic and accommodating.
The front door slammed and the water heaved like an ocean wave. She scurried to greet him anxious and questioning. Her concern met the back of his hand.
"I told you, no bikes in the driveway."
 The children watch wide-eyed from the stair rail. She picks herself up, utters, "I'm sorry."
His fist knocks out a few of her teeth and slices his knuckles. He curses, then kicks her, not once, not twice, but three times.
I witness firsthand the terror, tears, and guilt in the children's eyes.
When the police arrive, he still has his hands around her neck.

149 words
Yolanda Renee © 2015

*****


Today at Murderous Imaginings I've a post about Nutmeg.
I'll bet you didn't know it could kill?
Check it out.



*****




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39 comments:

  1. Loved it, Yolanda! So much narrative in so few words... Great job! Of course I'm hooked: does she survive? But, more importantly (at least to this critter lover), what kind of animal is our narrator? :D

    Thanks for sharing!
    Guilie @ Quiet Laughter

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    1. Hi Guilie, since my inspiration was the photograph, I saw a gold fish hiding among the colorful plants in his bowl. This man would not allow pets, but did not rage because a fish makes no noise, no mess, and there were no more requests for a dog. Thanks for stopping by!

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  2. You can instantly feel the tension when the dad comes home. One sentence, "...no bikes in the driveway," just sends chills down my spine. You described the scene especially well. By the way, is the narrator a dog?

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    1. Hi Nortinamarieta, no a gold fish, I went with the photo prompt and that's what I saw. . His words do say it all! Thanks for stopping by

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  3. Oh, what a devastating story. Well done for such a brief tale!

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    1. Thanks Hart, sometimes a complete story unfolds in 150 words.

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  4. Oh my! Domestic violence always breaks my heart and boils my blood. Domestic Violence Awareness is a cause I fully support. This story demonstrates the impact it can have on children and how bad it can get. Well done!

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    1. Thanks Chrys, it is devastating, and the worst part is the abuse happens so slowly the victim isn't even aware they are a victim until it's too late, and then they believe it's their fault. The abusers are cunning and manipulative. The target of the abuse is seldom the only victim.

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  5. He must be quite an angry fellah! I didn't expect the story going that way. I also thought that the animal was the dog, but you point out that it's a fish. Cool!
    By the way, why do you have so many sidebars in your blog? It is kind of distracting, but maybe it is just me :-)

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    1. Some men carry rage like women carry a pocketbook. As for the sidebars. I find them informative.

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  6. Such a sad and horrific story, but does give full visual pictures entering the minds of one reading it. These type of situations are destructive, especially for helpless children seeing this occur.

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  7. Such a sad and horrific story, but does give full visual pictures entering the minds of one reading it. These type of situations are destructive, especially for helpless children seeing this occur.

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    1. Thanks Jessie, very sad, and these children will never forget what they've witnessed.

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  8. How sad. Domestic abuse is so disgusting and evil. I'm glad the police came and I only hope they cuffed him and took him to a nice long term in jail. Great story Yolanda!

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    1. Hi Joy, a long term abusive jail term. Yes!

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  9. Such a tragic story, especially with the kids watching.

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    1. Thanks Alex, it is what happens daily.

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  10. So well described. I can almost feel the atmosphere when he gets home. Great last line!

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  11. You captured this so perfectly Yolanda. Well done my friend! Thanks for writing again for the MFtS challenge. Be well... ^..^

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    1. Thanks Barbara, I'm glad I got the prompt right and it was a fish I was staring at, or was staring at me. :)

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  12. What a devastating picture you painted with so few words, Yolanda! Of course, in my mind, the voyeur is a dog, but your above explanation about the fish makes more sense. Besides, a dog would have likely attacked the abuser.

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    1. You're right Debbie, a dog would have protected those he loved, but that's also why the man wouldn't allow any other pet. Thanks for comment.

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  13. Awful in every way, kids watching makes it more so. I figured it was a pet watching.

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    1. Hi Pat, yet this kind of thing is witnessed almost daily.

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  14. The imagery in your story is powerful, so much emotion in so few words. Excellent!

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    1. Thanks Debbie, appreciate your kind words.

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  15. Well told story though it is a sad one. Domestic abuse is so tragic and it leads to generational abuse many times. Thanks for writing on this subject. I was fascinated that the fish told the story. :)

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  16. I just get so angry when I read stories of domestic abuse. Those poor children. I felt it so real in your writing. When will it end? Loved your POV.

    I'm so excited to read your WEP flash fiction!

    Denise :-)

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  17. Hi, Renee...

    You certainly nailed this one. I am OUTRAGED! I FELT EVERYTHING.... WELL DONE! Atmosphere, emotion, and a deadly climax... I just hope his inmates treat him the same way!

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  18. Its horrific what happens to the folks once 'He' is back. Good story.

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  19. Domestic abuse is very often a hidden crime until, sometimes, it is too late. You certainly got all the emotions going in this piece, great writing.

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  20. Very powerful piece of writing, Yolanda. Makes one uneasy, almost nauseated by the violence and cruelty.

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