Saturday, May 20, 2023

Judging - Is it Subjective, Thoughtful, Arbitrary or Fair?

When submitting your work to a contest, it's always interesting to see and understand the reason for rejection. But, judging, how fair is it? 

I thought you'd enjoy an example of the procedure and outcome. I leave it to you to decide.

This is my latest submission to a WOW flash fiction contest. 750 words maximum. $10 entry fee and an extra $10 fee for critique.

This is the critique, I recieved.

Photo by Yash Prajapati on Unsplash 


Full Moon Confessions


Detective Cypress watched his prey with interest. The man sat quietly, staring straight at him. "Creepy," he said to the Sergeant in charge. "It's as though he's looking through plain glass. Why hasn't he been stripped of those clothes?"

Sergeant Jones answered, "Forensics will be here any minute. They have his overcoat, plenty of blood on it."

"Good. What else?"

"Bastard claims his name is J. T. Ripper, as in Jack the Ripper." Jones handed Cypress a file and an evidence bag with a cell phone in it. "Happy Halloween, Cy." He chuckled before giving a summary of his findings. "Fingerprints, DNA, name, not in the system, but they do match all the evidence we've collected from the crime scenes. Claims he's one-hundred-forty years old."

"Why not? It's about the age the real Jack the Ripper would be," Cypress said thoughtfully as he turned on the phone. [DR1

Jones gave him an odd look but ignored the remark. "Well, it beats anything I've ever seen. He denies everything, which doesn't make sense because we caught him red-handed. Literally. The man was holding his last victim's heart in his hands when we arrived on the scene."

"Unbelievable."  [DR2]

"It's a full moon and Halloween. They don't come crazier."

"Time to get his story." Cypress made the sign of the cross. [DR3] Then he entered the interrogation room. 

Before sitting, Cypress opened the file and deliberately laid out the picture of each victim while staring into the black abyss that was the man's eyes. Eyes that didn't blink until the man smiled.

Cypress sat, leaned back, and folded his arms.

“The Master Interrogator. You've done your homework," the man in black said.

"Dotted all the I's and crossed all the T's. So, J. T. Ripper. What's your story?"

"Jack. Please, call me Jack. How should I address you?"

"I kind of liked Master Interrogator, but Detective Cypress will work too."

"A detective with a sense of humor. Don't find that very often." Jack held out his left hand because his right hand was cuffed to the table.

Cypress shook the man's hand. Surprised at the strength it held. "Serves me well. So, Jack, what motivates you?"

"Gets straight to the point. I like that too." Jack said and sat up straight. "Well, Detective, it's all about the fog."

"The fog?" Cypress said, his curiosity piqued. "Please, explain."

"Simple, it's my inspiration. Has been since I was young. I've seen all the 'fog' movies and watched gleefully as the victims paid for their audacity. Slashers, horrendous creatures, and hideous bugs have all hidden their evil in the obscurity of a foggy night. But that's moviemaking. The scarier, the better. A walk into the thick mist is super energizing."

"How so?"

"It allows me to disappear, lurk, stalk, and, yes, kill with delicious precision. I bet you thought I was going to talk about how I enjoy being swallowed by nature. How I become part of the mist and relish the invisibility. Well, that's all true, but for me, it's all about the victim."

"So, you admit all these women were your victims?"

"Of course, why would I deny it? I mean with today's science. It'd just be a waste of your time.

"I appreciate that, but why these women?"

"They made the mistake of walking into the fog. I don't choose them. They choose me."

"Just by walking into the fog?" Cypress asked.

"Exactly."

"Or is it because you lured them there? After they rejected you?" [DR4]

"How'd you...know?"

"Because I know exactly who you are." He laid the cell phone on the table. "Your Tinder account told me everything."

"But it was encrypted!"

Cypress laughed. "My expertise. Jack's last kill date? Really?"

The suspect caught in his own web said, "I see." His bluster dampened.

"Sorry, but your masquerade is at an end." Cypress snapped his finger, and Jones came into the room carrying a yellow-lined tablet and a pen.

"Walk Mr. Terry O'Reilly through the process. Make sure he gives explicit details. You got this, Jones?" Cypress asked as he brushed his hair back and checked his appearance using the mirror.

"Sure do. But be warned, Cy. They found another body. This one was torn up by an animal. Witnesses claim a wolf…a werewolf[DR5]  Here's the address." Jones handed him a note.

Cypress read the message. Under the address were the words. "Just kidding about the werewolf. Couldn't resist in front of this piker."

Wearing a grin, Cypress turned and saluted Jones.

 

***

Word Count–747  

© Yolanda Renée 2022

 

CRITIQUE

Scores: 1-5 (5 being strongest):

Subject:4

Content:4

Technical: 4


OPEN PROMPT (Any genre in fiction)

Word Count: 750 max

Professional Evaluation of  Full Moon Confessions

SUMMARY

Subject (Is it fiction? Appropriate for readers? Brief summary):

Answer: Yes, this is a work of fiction and appropriate for WOW! readers. In the light of a full moon, a murder suspect claims he’s Jack the Ripper, but he’s met his match with a seasoned detective.

Content (Is the story well developed? Is there a plot/point to the story? Is it compelling? Are the characters well-drawn?

Answer: This is a good story that flows nicely and has quirky dialogue. My only suggestion would be to add in a bit more character development to distinguish the two detectives. The story is tight regarding the word count but a few small tweaks will help break up the dialogue and give the two characters a little more distinction.

Technical (Did they follow the rules--is there a title and proper word count? Check for proper spelling, punctuation and grammar, correct tense, active not passive sentences, overuse of adverbs, use of "wrylies"):

Answer: This is a polished piece, with no grammatical or spelling errors.

Overview (This is where you give your general impression about the writing style, how the story affected you, etc.):

Answer: The story is well-developed, and as a nod to classic stories about paranormal/murder mysteries, it’s a fun read. My only critique is that the author should consider adding in a little more character behavior/description in between dialogue to break up the conversation between the detective and “Jack the Ripper.” I made suggestions in the story above. Great job! My suggestions are below:


 [DR1]  Is the phone password protected? How would he break through this? Facial recognition? Something to think about given when this story is set.

 [DR2]  Is the detective shaking his head here? Shuddering? Add a brief description to break up dialogue.

 [DR3]  Great line!

 [DR4]  I'd suggest breaking up the dialogue here by giving a small hint on the killer's face. Does a muscle twitch in his jaw? Does an eyebrow raise? He knows the detective is onto him so you should show his face betraying his calm exterior in some way.

 [DR5]  How does O'Reilly react to this statement? A roll of the eyes? A smirk? Or does he simply ignore it?

*****


Do I agree with this critique? Of course not. 😄 I thought it was perfect. But as the writer I always do. Even so, I do agree with the suggestions that were made. Even with the tight word count, I could have added those reactions without taking away from the story or adding to the word count. 

Although, Giving a score of 4 for each area also seemed a bit arbitrary, but as a judge with numerous stories to filter through, well, how well do you think you would do? 

~*~

Full Moon Confessions is a recent Kindle Library Vella creation. Of which Detective Cypress is the star. I've started a selection of "Full Moon Confessions" highlighting the oddest of his cases. This story is one of them.


How well do you recieve a critique?




Monday, May 1, 2023

GHOSTED

 

"Ghosting, or suddenly disappearing from someone's life without so much as a call, email, or text, has become a common phenomenon in the modern dating world and other social and professional settings."

Ghosting: What Is It and How to Move Past Being Ghosted? - Healthline

Photo by Mulyadi on Unsplash


Have you ever been ghosted?

          I have. Several times. One too many times. It's infuriating, frustrating, and unexplainable.

          I recently put together a developmental edit for two writers. One well-known and popular author asked me to edit a new release. I was thrilled to do so, but after, I heard nothing. I still don't know why.

         It's happened before. I exchanged books with an author, each promising to do a review. But I never heard from the author again. I never got the review either, despite my emails—no response.

So yes, today I am ranting. But I don't understand why a person can't simply say, I disagree. I didn't like it, or it's not what I wanted. Something, anything, but to just go silent. It's wrong.

Pure and simple, ghosting is rude.

Unless it's a Nigerian prince pretending to be a doctor, a highly decorated military officer, or a CEO on a foreign job placement. You know the handsome guy on Facebook who calls you beautiful in his first or second sentence, then goes on to misspell half of the words in his next paragraph. In that case, you have every right to ghost and BLOCK!

LOL, rant over.

Thanks for reading.



Tuesday, April 18, 2023

WEP - Life is Beautiful

 Today you'll find me at Operation Awesome's A to Z. It's all about Quaid.

HOMECOMING

"Welcome home," Major Wilson said as he helped Steven from the plane. "I'll bet Anchorage never looked so good."

"You have that right. Thank you for the ride, Major."

"My pleasure. If the Russians weren't breathing down our necks. I'd join your search. In fact, I know an entire company of men who would, but it was an honor to get you home, Detective Quaid."

"Appreciate that, Major, but thanks go to you for your service. You and your man have your hands full. I've got the entire Tlingit nation on board. We'll find my wife in no time."

"Yes, sir," Major Wilson said as Steven walked away.

Steven picked up his suitcase, unloaded by the ground crew, and crossed the tarmac to the hanger.

Just moments after landing at Elmendorf Airforce base in Anchorage via an SR-71 Blackbird, the fastest Air Force jet in the US, Brent greeted him on the tarmac and walked him to the hangar office. "I have another jet waiting to take you to Kodiak. From there, a helicopter will take us to the headquarters in Yakutat. But first, I thought you'd like to see your son."

Steven had already spotted the little guy. Tiama had his nose pressed against the glass door as he waved frantically from the jet's hanger.

"Thanks," Steven said as he hurried forward. Once inside, he dropped his bag and gathered his son in his arms. Steven pressed the little boy close. Kissing, hugging, and treasuring the little boy as Tiama giggled and said. Daddy, daddy, daddy, over and over again. Steven hadn't allowed emotion to control his actions. But, momentarily, the reality of the task before him became overwhelming. To avoid any added emotional torture, Steven took Tiama outside.

"I came home to you on that plane called Blackbird. You and Mommy mean everything to me. So I give you my promise, you'll see her soon," he told his son.

"Mummie," Tiama said.

"Yes, son. Mommy," Steven answered, tears filling his eyes as the pain in his chest became almost suffocating. Then looking to the aurora borealis, he held his son close, further suppressing all sentimentality with a prayer to the Great Spirit.

Helen, Brent, and Emma watched the reunion in tears. Emma fought a waterfall of them, waiting for her turn.

Steven returned to the hangar office and immediately went to her side. He put Tiama in one arm and pulled her close with the other. "I've got this, Emma. Sarah's coming home. I promise. I know those mountains. I'll find her."

Emma's tears couldn't be stopped. "I know you will. Brent and Helen have been busy getting things ready for your arrival."

Steven acknowledged Helen with a thank you as he pulled Emma close. Then, with her head on his chest, he said another silent prayer. Tiama wrapped his arms around his neck, and Steven absorbed strength from their love.

But time was passing, and Steven had to say goodbye and begin the search for his wife. "Don't worry, Emma, I'll bring them both home. And you know Sarah, she's a survivor. She knows the wilderness, and we bought that plane with every safeguard. Even though it's on the ground, it's filled with survival gear, first aid, and everything she needs. I won't be surprised if I get there and she's baking cookies. And you know Chet, if he had to bring the plane down, he did it with the precision of a surgeon."

Emma laughed as she wiped her eyes. "You're right. I know you are. Now, kiss your son goodbye and go get her!"

Steven twirled Tiama in the air before giving him a final hug and kiss. "My big little man," he said proudly. Eighteen months old, Tiama was growing up fast. But now, they had another on the way. His family was growing, but the danger he tried to protect them from could not be stopped.

~~*~~

Yolanda Renée © 2023

651 words

TAGLINE: Life is beautiful, family is everything.

This is an excerpt from the 7th book of my Alaskan Series, Murder on Mount Fairweather coming out December 2023. 

Detective Steven Quaid was working a case in New York when the plane his wife was on went down. But his friend pulled some favors and got him a ride on the fastest jet. But the scene with his son seemed to fit the prompt (family). I hope you think so too.

 

To learn more about the SR 71 Blackbird, check it out here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_SR-71_Blackbird

XXX


Wednesday, April 5, 2023

PROOF OF EXISTENCE by J LENNI DORNER

 INTRODUCING


Proof of Existence

Book 2 of the Existence series

By J Lenni Dorner

 

There's a fine line between a nightmare and a horrifying memory. In Proof of Existence, chapter 5, Dragon Hunting, Gwendolyn (Wend) recalls a traumatic event. In the nightmare, she calls out to Xavier. The reader doesn't know how much of this scene happened. What is known is that she actually screams.

Moments later, Xavier appears by her side. They fought before she went to bed, and that argument picks up as soon as she awakens. He once warned her of dangers, a warning she did not heed. She makes an angry joke about danger now, and he responds with sarcasm.

Dragons might not be actually hunted in the Existence series. Both of these characters have played a chat-based fantasy online roleplaying game (MMORPG). Hopefully, you'll enjoy this glimpse into the story. 


Proof of Existence

World-ending secrets and threats…

Proof of Existence picks up from Fractions of Existence's cliffhanger, where Gwendolyn is among the hostages of the Eyes in the Shadows, a religious sect that has been trying to free humans from the “prison” of life on Earth for millennia. Rescuing her requires the Existence to expose themselves. As omnipotent beings, their work to protect humanity has been mostly in secret for the last two centuries.

Gwendolyn must remember and embrace what she truly is, though fear and doubt stifle her. She risked everything by acting on her attraction to Xavier, but her religious beliefs stop her from taking the important next step. Life-threatening news has her wanting to go home to see her family. Will they still love and accept her, despite her actions and choices? Or could a secret rip her family apart?

Feeling lonely, tormented, and useless, Existence member Heath goes off the grid. A ransom video from Eyes in the Shadows demands he be traded for the lives of others. Can the Existence find him in time to tell him about the threat? Even if Heath can be reached, would his kind really trade him to potentially save someone else?

The Eyes in the Shadows is set to finally end all human life on Earth forever. Only if the Existence is reunited, with all members at full power, could they stand against them. How many will suffer if the Existence should fail? How much damage could possibly be done in the next twenty years? Proof of Existence, the second book of the Existence mythological urban fantasy series from J Lenni Dorner, is set during the first half of 2006.

Bio

J Lenni Dorner is best known for the Existence book series. Book one, Fractions of Existence, and book two, Proof of Existence, are on Amazon. Author of the short story, Lumber Of The Kuweakunks, on Smashwords. Also known for the writer's reference books, Preparing to Write Settings that Feel Like Characters and Writing Book Reviews As An Author: Inspiration To Make It Easier.

J is part of the Operation Awesome Team, where he runs the Debut Author Spotlight on most Wednesdays. J is an April Blogging from A to Z #AtoZchallenge international bloghop co-host.

(he/him 👨🏽 or 🧑🏽 they/them) ~ Speculative Fiction & Reference Author, OperationAwesome6 Debut Author Interviewer, and Co-host of the #AtoZchallenge

https://twitter.com/JLenniDorner

https://www.facebook.com/WhatAreThey

https://www.instagram.com/jlennidorner

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BYN6SG7Y Buy it here.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/65150644-proof-of-existence Add to your TBR here.

https://www.bookbub.com/books/proof-of-existence-by-j-lenni-dorner Glimpse it here.
http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/4fa90ac752
Enter the Giveaway here!






Saturday, April 1, 2023

No April Fooling - The Entire Series for $5.99

 

Amazon.com only .99 cents each
For the Entire Month of APRIL!


&
Are you ready for a 
It's HERE!


Prepare now
Post April 19th thru the 21st

&





I took part in a Writing Challenge sponsored by Nicole Breit called 
The 555 Story Challenge.
All about CNF (Creative Non-Fiction)
The exercises were filled with tips and exercises.
Each one was thoughtful, useful, and fun.
After the lesson, she tasked us to write 100-word paragraphs 
based on the lesson.
It was fun and definitely challenging.
Here are my entries:

MONSTER

"The Monster Mash" played on the radio the night I wore my best blue dress with lace and black patent leather Mary Janes. Gary, the boy next door, told me I was special, a princess. We danced. I was four and balanced perfectly on his black leather loafers. The lights were dim, and the house was empty. We were alone, but I wasn't afraid.

He made me laugh.

But mom yelled at me for peeing my pants. A good girl would never let a boy tickle them.

The truth surfaced in nightmares, and every time I hear "The Monster Mash."

~~*~~

Thrown Away

Every item I owned, books, typewriter, and clothes, sat on the back porch. "I'm done. You're gone." Tears fell nonstop as she deliberately shredded my heart. "Forgive me. Please. I'll do anything." Mortally scarred, I leaned against the refrigerator for support and clearly recall how cool the metal felt against my fire-hot skin.

Mom washed the breakfast dishes. Soapsuds rinsed off before she placed them on the drainboard. So calm and indifferent. Memories include the smell of dish soap, bubbles, and spiraling steam. But her words are forever etched on my soul. "It's just a shame you were ever born."

~~*~~

UTOPIA

Anticipation grew with each mile vanquished on the flight to Fairbanks, Alaska. In an open jeep, we drove through miles and miles of emerald conifers and stately white birch. The Tanana Valley, a kaleidoscope of earthly browns and jades, was framed by snowcaps. Mount Denali, the sovereign.

A rusting gold dredge scarred the pristine landscape. But crisp, clean air, fresher than a stick of Wintergreen gum, clears my soul of discontent. Poe's aristocratic black ravens cawed a welcome, or was it a warning?

No matter. I'm energized, even though I have no idea what's ahead. Truly free, I've found utopia.

~~*~~

CASUAL


Don't look at the clock. The wait will lengthen. Don't admit your love. He'll disappear. Four hours later.

Breathe. Stay cool. It's just a little landslide. The train will arrive soon. He'll be glad you're here.

I pace. Distract myself with magazines, scenery, and even eavesdropping, yet time seems to stand still. Unsettled, I consider driving to him, but what if he's not on the train? Did he change his mind?

Miss Independent waits for no man, yet she's wasting time for—him.

After all, no strings—no emotional ties means no regrets. It was our vow.

We were wrong.

~~*~~

PRECOGNITION

I'm flying through the windshield and shards of glass sparkle like stars as they move with me. Blood trails in gelatinous drops. There is no pain as my mangled body reposes face down in a ditch. Cars speed by. Has no one noticed?

I gasped.

"Are you all right?" my boyfriend asks. He's driving."

"Yes," I whisper.

The day passes.

The next morning, as I round the bumper, I'm stopped cold. An invisible wall of dread, an intense heart-stopping fear restrains me.

Is death stalking me?

My hands shake. Keys clatter on cement.

For ten days, I'm unable to drive.

~~*~~

HAPPY APRIL!

 

Sunday, March 19, 2023

Full Moon Confessions - Kindle Vella

Recently Nancy Williams wrote an article about Kindle Vella for the WEP. That has all the ins and outs of making it a success.

Something I tried a year ago with no success, but since following her advice, I actually had someone read my stories.

Nancy is making money and has the skinny. So be sure to check out How To Make Money With Your Writing - Kindle Vella

https://writeeditpublishnow.blogspot.com/2023/03/wep-how-to-series-i-nancy-williams-on.html

Here is what I've learned:


This was the cover I wanted, but Kindle Vella cut out a round and created the cover below. I had little to no control except for the picture above. Notice they don't even allow the apostrophe above the e in Renée. But things are always changing. 


So I did a little more work and managed to add the title to the round part of the picture. Why? Because the only thing they post on the page announcing your story is the round part of the cover. Some add the title. Some don't.



I have joined several Kindle Groups on FB, thanks to Nancy's advice. But right now, trying to write and take care of everything else, I've not had time to concentrate on participating. I figure one step at a time. I know, my downfall.

Full Moon Confessions: TheOdd Cases of Detective Cypress

Find Full Moon Confessions here: 

https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B09Q8FGVCW 

Donovan Horatio Cypress is a dedicated man. Handsome, skilled, and perceptive, and he invariably always gets his man. But his cases are notoriously odd. His love life is even more so. Falling for his suspects leaves him questioning his choices.

Are you ready to meet Jack the Ripper? The murderous monster in the basement? Would you step into a fog for a romantic first meeting? Or do you prefer the ordinary everyday folk with murderous intent? It's all here, with a romance on the side. Enjoy!

Episode 1:

          Double Chocolate Homicide – The Peacocks plan a Halloween dinner party. Then one of them ends up dead. But no fear, the party must go on…

Episode 2:

          Psycho Bitch – Is murder contagious? A couple attended the Peacock's murderous dinner party, and not four hours later, one is dead. I won't lie. Psycho was my inspiration. But folks, this one has a new twist.

Episode 3:

          The Ripper confesses – The fog means another death, but this time the cops make their arrest. Too late for the victim, but is the detective's attention on the details or Jenny's figure? Jenny is an officer with great legs and a quick mind.

Episode 4:

          Perfect Opportunities – A hurricane is the ideal opportunity for murder, or is it? Where's Jenny, and why is Cypress in a new state, flirting with a murderous?

Episode 5:

          Karma's A Bitch: Uh, oh. Is the detective caught in the spider's trap?

 

Please note the first 3 episodes you can read for FREE!

After that, you'll need more tokens. I was awarded 2000 tokens just for signing up. 

And don't forget the thumbs-up. It's what gets the author paid. Give it a try, but first read: How To Make Money With Your Writing - Kindle Vella. Nancy gives lots of info, and I hope I've added a bit more here.

To find Nancy's stories go here: King Julian of Gil-Lael

Good luck!

Thanks for reading. 

I hope you'll give my story a chance. If you do, I would love your critique.

 

 





Monday, February 27, 2023

Needed Inspiration


 "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." — Mae West

"Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."– Thomas A. Edison

"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things."– Albert Einstein

"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."– 

Babe Ruth