tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794648014067102242.post1592415395294185669..comments2024-02-09T19:43:19.860-05:00Comments on DEFENDING THE PEN: Handsome Is As Handsome DoesYolanda Renéehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09085436784133103221noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794648014067102242.post-17770383919959883422016-03-08T13:03:37.908-05:002016-03-08T13:03:37.908-05:00Definitely should be published. This story seems a...Definitely should be published. This story seems a bit different from the usually cliched plots, so it will be a fresh read. Besides, from the description given, it will definitely be an interesting and great read as well. I want to read more!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07100815821926206413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794648014067102242.post-83843295393151613342016-02-26T11:54:23.100-05:002016-02-26T11:54:23.100-05:00I definitely see publication in your future! Thank...I definitely see publication in your future! Thanks for participating in the Son of a Pitch! You're a talented writer with a great story, good luck!Yolanda Renéehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09085436784133103221noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794648014067102242.post-87030590351226742622016-02-26T02:43:12.851-05:002016-02-26T02:43:12.851-05:00Intriguing without being obscure. Great sense of c...Intriguing without being obscure. Great sense of character and setting already. Well written. I want to read more!HGGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08010364530392885831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794648014067102242.post-5890450761811203942016-02-25T14:31:19.322-05:002016-02-25T14:31:19.322-05:00Oooh I like this one! Especially the start of firs...Oooh I like this one! Especially the start of first chapter. Heaps of imagery!!!!!! ShelleyInhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00585116659549150024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794648014067102242.post-6258871446206730932016-02-25T13:49:25.374-05:002016-02-25T13:49:25.374-05:00
Query: I feel like this query bounces around a b...<br /><br />Query: I feel like this query bounces around a bit. We start with setting/genre definition and get to the crucial questions. Then we define the story again. Then we summarize the plot, ending with a question that takes us into another character’s point of view. It feels a bit unfocused and I’m not sure where my attention should be. <br /><br /> <br />First 250 words: The scene works well. I have no trouble understanding what’s going on and enjoyed the image of that man lying in the road. <br />Samantha Bryanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17684962313482409801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794648014067102242.post-21950587518948324082016-02-24T20:33:14.137-05:002016-02-24T20:33:14.137-05:00Oh no! Another one my comments got lost. I'll ...Oh no! Another one my comments got lost. I'll give you the truncated version...<br /><br />First paragraph of query seems to telly to me, so I'd work the information in elsewhere.<br /><br />250: I would remove the first line...<br /><br />I don't know why the panicked neigh of a horse and ominous thump would make everything clear. Show us what she's seeing...<br /><br />This is great writing and a great concept :) Thank you for your entry.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08918019537377378522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794648014067102242.post-35740867694527995042016-02-24T07:51:11.710-05:002016-02-24T07:51:11.710-05:00Your query is solid and allows your voice to come ...Your query is solid and allows your voice to come through. So kudos. But I wanted to punch it up a bit. I prefer reading that there are adventures and misadventures than just being told. I tinkered with your words to give you something to think about.<br /><br /><br />Young governess Emma d'Ibert is keen to restore the fortunes of her once-noble family. Between the war and the poor harvest, the year 1817 has been cruel and England is crippled. Emma refuses to let her family suffer or reputation slide or family starve …or something along those lines. <br /><br />To do this, Emma must work hard, keep her identity secret and try and avoid the pitfalls of living under the same roof as beguiling rogue, Charles Keane. (So, is the governess job the way she is living under the same roof as Charles? If yes, Might want to find another way to describe her in the first sentence – young noblewoman, etc. Also, a little drama here wold be good. Can you show one or those misadventures?) (and hold up – love beguiling rogue ☺ She has inadvertently made an enemy of his friend, Viscount Tidworth, who has the power to expose her and bring her new life crashing down around her ears. (Does he dangle that in front of her at all? Does he make her suffer at all?)<br /><br />Tidworth's marriage plans are crushed when a delay on the road, for which he blames Emma, allows another gentleman to step in and claim his sweetheart. He is furious when Emma, as part of one of Charles' wicked schemes, attends his charity ball pretending to be a wealthy countess. Should he unmask her, or save her from disgrace at the hands of the amorous Charles? (nice closing question ☺)<br /><br /><br />Your first 250<br />Super strong start but i'd love to see that she is horrified. How bad is the rain sodden skirt? Show me how she lands on horrified because I want a stronger connection. <br />Your writing is smooth and smart!<br /><br />best of luck.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15663085337949461203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794648014067102242.post-69819099238308432412016-02-22T10:56:51.291-05:002016-02-22T10:56:51.291-05:00Query: Your first sentence sets the stage for the ...Query: Your first sentence sets the stage for the story, time, place, and the dilemma – loose behavior. Wonderful. The perfect blurb for a back cover!<br /><br />Add your writing credentials, education, or platform to this query and you're good to go.<br />250 words. Wonderful introduction, great setting, I'm hooked!<br /><br />Excellent job!<br />Yolanda Renéehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09085436784133103221noreply@blogger.com