Wednesday, January 22, 2020

TO PUBLISH OR NOT TO PUBLISH


THAT WAS THE QUESTION





Writing Murder, Just Because  was not easy. Being in the mind of a serial killer is something I don’t ever want to tackle again. But I did my best to follow through to where my character took me. Many times, I thought of just finishing it and putting it in a drawer. It didn’t need to see the light of day, but an author I trust, read it and said it was some of my best work. So, despite my own doubts about the subject matter, and maybe due to my own vanity, I went to publication.

Still, I was afraid of what the story said about me?

I didn’t want to identify with or be identified with the character of Stowy Jenkins, on any level. Or else I wanted plausible deniability.

And yet truth be told, as most writers know or believe, all characters are part of the author, and despite my dislike of Stowy Jenkins, I have to admit that while Stowy is a complete fabrication, the story itself comes from a very personal place. 

Despite his murderous personality, Stowy Jenkins grew out of my mind, and I can only place his creation to a darker side of my life. I was a victim of violence, and not once but several times.  I’ve spoken of this before, so I won’t go into detail. I’ll just acknowledge it as part of my life and admit those experiences had more influence on my life and many of my decisions. More so than I care to admit, but it also influences my writing. 

But this time I'm the one in control. I wrote the horror, but I also wrote a love story and a tale where despite the terror, it's love and goodness that wins out. A happy ending. We're all looking for that in life. I find it in my writing.

Another reason I hesitated to publish was due to the response to The Snowman, the first book where Stowy Jenkins, my antagonist, appeared. After the publication of that book, I received many questions and rebukes from other authors who couldn’t understand how I could write such a book. And all I could think was: if a man had written this subject matter, there would be no questions. No surprise. No, “OMG, what were you thinking.”

What was I thinking? Maybe that I don't like being the victim but I am, I was, and sometimes I question how one person (me) could be so dumb. Yes, that’s how I feel. I mean fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. But fool me three times, damn girl, wake up! Yes, I still question, how could I let this happen?

I know that kind thinking is all wrong, but the problem with common sense when emotions are involved, well, there is no logic. And even though it’s been years since the abuse happened, the emotional part of me still finds those questions unanswerable.

While some can’t understand how or why I wrote The Snowman or Murder, Just Because I won’t apologize.

Sexual violence happens daily, hourly! It happens to children and adults alike. When a man kidnaps a young woman and rapes her, it’s not to make love to her, it’s to abuse, violate, and destroy. There is nothing pretty or ‘comfortable’ about it.

These two books are very different from the first three, but these books are a part of me, a truth I’ve known, and for me, a way to survive the un-survivable.
****

Where do your characters originate?



Please, if child abuse or sexual violence is an issue for you or someone you know, please contact the. National Sexual Violence Resource Center - http://www.nsvrc.org/




2101 N Front Street
Governor’s Plaza North, Building #2
Harrisburg, PA 17110

717.909.0710 Phone
717.909.0714 FAX
717.909.0715 TTY
877.739.3895 Toll-Free


*****



If you'd like to be part of my book tour or simply read the novel and write an honest review, please let me or Mason Canyon know.

Thank you!


Learn more about Stowy Jenkins on my other blog - Murderous Imaginings

THE ENVIRONMENT OR THE GENES




New Cover Designs for all the Books!

What do you think?












24 comments:

  1. Congrats on the new book. Finishing any such undertaking is a great accomplishment of creativity and endurance, even when it's not tied to an emotionally explosive subject. Hope you have some peace before your next writing project.
    : )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you JB, If it's possible during the marketing process, I will!

      Delete
  2. This book holds so much violence and abuse! It would be difficult for me to read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally understand, it's not an easy read. I'd not want anyone to be traumatized by reading it. I was once, it's how a memory I'd suppressed for nine years came forward and changed my life on a whole new level! The problem with this kind of trauma is that there is no escape. Even suppression because your dreams hold the truth! What you can't face in the daylight, you will in the darkness!

      Delete
  3. I read the first one and and enjoyed. Sure. it was dark, but life can be dark. And it's a story about a serial killer, it's going to be graphic if you portray him honestly.

    In my latest book, I wrote a story that is a bit more serious than my usual story. I added a character that is a total jerk- that doesn't make me a jerk, it just means I can identify the jerks among us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Elizabeth. I loved your review, thank you!

      Total jerk, yeah, but he redeemed himself! LOL

      Delete
  4. Good on you for publishing your book, regardless. You don't have to defend, or apologize for anything you wrote. If people can't handle it, they shouldn't read it. I think all authors write from a place of past experience, even if they don't know it. I write about strong woman because I was raised by one, and in many situations I should have been one, but failed. You make me proud to be a female author. Respect to you, sister. Hold your head high.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Murees, your words really struck a cord. It's my fault I don't handle this better, but, everyday is a day for learning, and accepting. Especially myself!

      Delete
  5. No regrets you published it. And no apologies either. Some people just don't want to acknowledge those things happen. And if it helped you deal with your own demons a little, that's even better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Alex. For a while there were regrets, but no more! Saddest of all - it's in the news everyday!

      Delete
  6. You shouldn't apologize for bringing awareness to such tragedies. Who better to tell the story than a woman?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Renee, I'm so proud of you for working your way through your demons and finishing this. It must have been excruciating at times. Even though it's hard to read for a squib like me, you've done good! We need more awareness of the serial killer's mind. (Have you watched Mind Hunter on Netflix? Brilliant. Addictive.) I've already signed up to your book tour and hopefully locked in April 1 - the first kid off the block.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your support means everything. Thank you! Since posting this blog, and reading the comments, a huge weight has lifted. I truly questioned myself on this one, but now, I can let it go. Thank you, and everyone!

      Delete
  8. Hi Renee - I think we grow into reading books like yours ... it sounds similar to Damyanti's You Beneath Your Skin - which is very soul searching and true - though yours is about your experiences and that's much more difficult: I admire you for getting it out there. I've just downloaded the Kindle version - which I hope to get to read fairly soon. All the best ... it'll be good to have another tour with the new cover - much easier to see as it stands out so well. Cheers Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Hilary. I can't wait to hear what you think.

      Damyanti's book is brilliant!

      Delete
  9. YOU GO GIRL, KEEP WRITING AND PUTTING IT OUT THERE!!!! Best wishes, Walt.

    ReplyDelete
  10. There probably isn't much I can say here that hasn't already been expressed privately. You already know how I feel about your book and the courage it took to put it out there. Now that Stowy is "out of your system," it's time to move forward with something new. Maybe it's time to show us your softer side. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm hoping too, Susan. In the next one I'd love to add humor to it. Alice Foxx is coming back and you know how she can stir things up! Thank you, for your support. It means the world!

      Delete
  11. I applaud you for writing and publishing these books. Stowy Jenkins is a creepy character but so well done. I remember working with you on The Snowman and the experience was interesting. I still remember certain scenes at random. That means you impacted me in a good way. And for authors to criticize you and ask how you could write that story is astounding to me. They certainly wouldn't do that if a man had written it. If Stephen King had written it. Never apologize. Women can and SHOULD write horror. Women can and SHOULD write characters like Stowy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Chrys.
      Writers are like me are so insecure we question everything. But you are so right! Thank you!

      Delete
  12. Congratulations on the new book, Yolanda! I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much abuse in your life. You've turned it into a positive by becoming a successful author of horror/crime novels. That should be applauded, not criticized. I'm truly surprised at that sexist reaction! Adding this to the Kindle, now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Debbie!
      My experiences have influenced my writing since day one! You've no idea what you last sentence means to me, you ROCK!

      Delete

I would love to hear from you, say hello and leave your blog address - I'll visit, but please take with you my undying gratitude that you stopped by for a read. Be well, be happy, and may your blog surfing bring you joy!